loving kindness

Sometimes the story isn't as true as your mind had you believe.  

Today Tommi reached out about the last 2 pinball games and getting them to me.  My first thought was "i hope she's OK". Wondering what spurred this.  I hope she's happy and healthy and just wants her space back.  I do often think of her when I do my loving kindness meditation.  

I feel bad for being so upset.  What a hard time for all of us.  And i know and appreciate all she had to go thru trying to keep dad comfortable when he was sick. Thankful she could be there for him when he needed it most.  I wish I could have gotten more time with him,  but thankful that I got time with him at all. What i perceived as "meanness" was her attempt to protect Dad.  Kids really can be parasites,  I totally get it. Parents can't see it and the kids don't either,  but their partners sure do.  I tried so hard not to be a drain to parents but it's really hard to see them apart from self.  

My parent inflicted ego of sadness and self doubt has had plenty of time to shine,  it's time to let that go. That was their parents leftovers... time to watch things get better.