Change is scary, but results in growth; Stagnation is overrated.

If you are unhappy with something, change it... Don't just do it again somewhere else... Listen to messages.

I find myself dreadfully unhappy at work again, turnover is high, and we just can't keep people. And it's the good people leaving... Priorities shift on a dime, and nothing gets finished on time because we can't keep up with all the tasks without effective project management. Everything is in a state of panic and it's just uncomfortable. It is not fun working on a ghost train there's too much to do.

Dad suggested I take time off and recenter... find something that aligns with my values (or at least isn't a polar opposite)  I HATE HEALTHCARE FOR PROFIT! ...but with all the health problems (from working the stressful jobs) I feel obligated to keep healthcare coverage, which as an american, means working for someone else and abolishing any hope or dream that I've ever had. The ultimate catch-22. 

Dad also seemed to take pride in that I suffered thru this career and that I never asked for money or a place to stay. I'm not sure how that's a surprise, I was raised to think asking for help is shameful weakness. Not to mention his wife wouldn't have allowed any of his assistance. I guess if you don't really know someone, it's just what they do on paper. I wish Dad could have had a chance to see who I really am. Resume looks great... check... He was a stranger to me too, the right to know my father was selfishly stolen... . He died a stranger and distant memory. There's even more sadness in that. I wasn't even allowed to be there, and he wanted me there. So many tears.

Is healthcare coverage just a sick joke to keep us working because the crippling fear of being bankrupted by one big health event is enough for everyone to just keep on working? Is that how they keep our heads down? Individual policies are not even realistically priced. Burn thru your entire retirement savings, consume everything just paying for health coverage... This is the most dangerous place in the world. 

At least Social Security is going away... that should save some on the tax bill, right? Certainly helps with the fear mongering those in power have been using against us to keep us in place. Is our boarder enforcement really just imprisonment? 

Who's gonna stay in this shithole? (phrase works for job and country!)