1. Issues are never resolved People learn to either avoid conflict (and never deal with it) or learn they must always win the conflict and live with the fear of losing. Neither "all or nothing" ways of conflict resolution are helpful. 2. The degree of control is abnormal An analysis of family relationships in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows how some degree of control is normal, like setting curfews, asking them to dress appropriately, setting rules about phone use, snacks or meal times, and so on. But in dysfunctional families, the parents go far beyond the norm. They may try to control every aspect of their kids' lives, limiting socialization with peers, setting unreasonable rules, and never allowing their kids to have a voice in the home. Their kids will struggle to become independent adults. They may have a range of issues in adulthood, from poor attachment styles to profound self-doubt and problems with authority. — Gloria Brame, Ph.D., Therap...
It's never too late, until it is.... 1. Listen without getting defensive This one won't be easy, but Dr. Lira de la Rosa stresses it's important to do the hard thing. "It is important to create space for them to share their perspective," he shares. "Instead of trying to correct their memory or explain your intentions, focus on understanding how they experienced things." 2. Own up to things when you can Dr. Lira de la Rosa emphasizes it's important to take responsibility when possible. "Even if you did your best at the time, acknowledging that something may have hurt your child is powerful," he says. "A sincere apology —one that focuses on their feelings rather than your own guilt—can go a long way." 3. Let them set the pace of communication It's understandable to want to fast-forward to the happy ending. However, healing takes time. "It’s tempting to try to fix things quickly, especially when guilt is dr...
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