How to Heal Relationships With Adult Children

It's never too late, until it is.... 

1. Listen without getting defensive

This one won't be easy, but Dr. Lira de la Rosa stresses it's important to do the hard thing.

"It is important to create space for them to share their perspective," he shares. "Instead of trying to correct their memory or explain your intentions, focus on understanding how they experienced things."

2. Own up to things when you can

Dr. Lira de la Rosa emphasizes it's important to take responsibility when possible.

"Even if you did your best at the time, acknowledging that something may have hurt your child is powerful," he says. "A sincere apology—one that focuses on their feelings rather than your own guilt—can go a long way."

3. Let them set the pace of communication

It's understandable to want to fast-forward to the happy ending. However, healing takes time.

"It’s tempting to try to fix things quickly, especially when guilt is driving you," Dr. Mazer notes. "However, pressure—even when it comes from good intentions—can feel suffocating to someone who’s still sorting out their emotions."

Instead, she advises parents to give their adult children space to choose when and how to talk because it signals that their comfort matters.

"It also shows you respect their autonomy, something adult children often need to feel before they can re-engage," she says. "Healing isn’t always about doing more. It’s about doing what’s needed, even if that’s waiting. Letting them lead tells them you’re ready to show up differently than before."